This is part II of Momento Mori: To read part 2, click here.
PREPARE FOR DEATH – PLAN
The Christian is to prepare for death in body and soul. Dear parishioner, it is wrong for you and unkind to your family and unloving to your congregation and any others you love to not prepare for death. Not thinking through your choices and understanding the doctrine of death and how the Church is to respond to your own leaves a burden on the surviving loved one(s) who are trying to mourn their loss.
To consider your death is part of being a responsible member of your family and congregation. One part of the prayer book which initially struck me as odd is the direction to the priest to remind new Christian parents to “make prudent provision for the well-being of their children and the duty of all persons as stewards of God’s provisions, to make a will” after giving thanks for the birth of a new child (2019 BCP, 221). But it makes sense. Why would we neglect so great a responsibility to those we love? In the Great Litany we pray God deliver us from “dying suddenly and unprepared” (1662, 31; 2019 BCP, 92) and Scripture and the Collects of Morning Prayer, and Compline all teach us that every day is a gift. So while as a Christian you rest secure, do not let death take you unprepared. Rather, prepare yourself, your last will and testament, and your funeral.
To begin to plan your funeral consider the following things:
That it be timely and include your congregation
That it be in the church building (not a funeral home)
That it give opportunity to mourn loss
That it look to the General Resurrection
That your body be present
That it be focused on the Saving Gospel
TIMELY AND AT THE CHURCH
It has long been Christian tradition that Christian funerals and burials should be timely. Part of this is due to only fairly recent technology that allows for the preservation of the body. But there is a theological and pastoral reason as well. In a Christian funeral a person’s body is received back into his church building. Back to the place where he was introduced to Jesus and nourished in the Faith. As he was he was dressed in Christ’s righteousness in a baptismal gown in life, so now in death he is dressed in Christ’s righteousness in the form of a funeral pall (2019 BCP, 247) and then commended to the Lord as a “sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming.” (1662 BCP, 33; 2019 BCP, 256). It is – in essence – the deceased last time attending of his home parish church. For some, their casket stands next to the very font where they were baptized, the altar where they were confirmed and perhaps wed. Even if it is not the exact parish church where the Christian began to worship, within these walls, with these people is home – not some strange funeral “home.”
For the Christian the church is the center of life and place where communion is had with the Body of Christ in Word and Sacrament, so it is fitting that in death, here the Christian returns before being commended to God and committed to the earth in “sure and certain hope of the resurrection.” It is not a small thing that the deceased and his or her loved ones join together one last time in Church, for if they too are Christians that is where they will meet again after the General Resurrection.
A TIME TO MOURN AND HOPE
A funeral is a worship service. A Christian funeral is not a “Celebration of Life” as most people mean it. When people talk about such celebrations they are usually celebrating the lifetime of the deceased. Such services have lots of pictures, lionizing eulogies and emotional remembrances. This is perfectly acceptable at a wake or other gathering but not at the funeral for both theological and pastoral reasons. It sets the wrong focus. Ultimately the purpose of a funeral is not first about the deceased or even loved ones but about God saving of the deceased from eternal death. To get this wrong is at best misguided. Where did Celebrations of Life come from? They are a variant of “have it your way” theology and come out of churches that lack historic liturgy to speak to the living about the dead. Pastorally, they are wrong in that they:
Avoid the reality of death;
Tend to focus the service on the merits of the deceased rather than the merits of Christ;
Rarely look forward to the Resurrection of the Body.
A good pastor friend of mine told me the story of how he attended his father’s funeral which was conducted as a Celebration of Life. He said the officiant passed around the microphone and people extolled his dad’s great deeds and virtues. Reflecting on the event, my pastor-friend added, “If I’d have been the age I am now, I would have taken the microphone and said, ‘he was an adulterer and abandoned his family, but despite that, by forgiveness and the grace of Jesus Christ, he is saved’ – point made. Our hope is in Jesus Christ alone; our funerals should reflect this.
There is also a pastoral objection to Celebrations of Life. Such celebrations by their nature do not make room for mourning. The impediment is right there in the name. People typically do not cry at parties.
But we need to weep and not just paper over pain with remembrances of the good times. All this does is push grief off. It is hard to argue from Scripture that there should not be sadness and tears, as well as hope, at a Christian funeral. As human beings God has knit our lives together. It is this community that brings great joy and great loss. Jesus himself was deeply moved and wept at the loss of his dear friend Lazarus. (Jn. 11:33, 35). He neither thought that mourning was somehow faithless or an act lacking hope in God, nor did He correct Mary and Martha. Death has been conquered and its ultimate sting removed, but it is nonetheless tragic.
Pastorally, not giving time to mourn together and grieve together as the Body of Christ is wrong and hurtful to the survivors who then are left alone to mourn in solitude. The pastoral focus of a Requiem Mass or the Burial Office is on Christ and how He weeps with those who weep and will eventually bring reunion and joy. Like Jesus, the Church joins those who mourn asking God to, “surround them with your love, that they may not be overwhelmed by their loss, but have confidence in your goodness to meet the days to come” (2019, BCP, 251). The Church proclaims that in Jesus Christ for the faithful Christian “life is changed and not ended; and when our body lies in death, there is prepared for us a dwelling place eternal in the heavens.” (2019 BCP, 156). The author of Ecclesiastes says it best in Chapter 3 verses 1- 4:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance.
A funeral is a time to mourn together while worshipping Christ in the hope of the resurrection.
A FUNERAL SHOULD BE DONE WITH THE DECEASED PRESENT
Historic Christian (and Jewish) theology sees the body as important! It is the historic heresies (rooted in the ancient pagan religions) that see the body as something to be thrown off. In light of this, it is strange how many Christians act like ancient pagans or heretics when it comes to the funeral of a loved one or themselves. Again, the fault lies mostly with the clergy for not teaching. Historically, the corpse (or remains) of the deceased was present both for visitation and the funeral rites within the walls of the Church. The prescribed reading 1 Corinthians 15:20 – 58 and the Apostles’ Creed tell us why.
St. Paul writes that for the Christian death is akin to sleep, and the resurrection of the body is a hoped-for certainty. The detail of the connection between the spiritual and the earthly body is not clear to us, but it is clear that there is a connection.
We see care for Jesus’ own body modeled by Joseph of Arimathea (Lk. 23:50) and great expense, love, and care taken by women going to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body (Matt. 26:6, Mk.16:1, Lk.4:1). Sometimes we forget that this is the setting for Easter morning. Furthermore, Jesus bodily ascended and remains seated at the right hand of the Father. For this reason, Christian burials involve the deceased. The corpse, (that body from which the soul has departed) continues to be an integral part of the person. For God created him or her with a body. This is why Christians ought not have Memorials unless necessary.
Part IV to follow